My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
