I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
