Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
