if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize