I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
