you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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