He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Couch. On fire.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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