oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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