Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
