You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize