ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
