I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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