If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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