We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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