I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
