Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
