I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
