Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
