i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize