Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Also, beer. Big fan.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
