I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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