oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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