Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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