they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
