Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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