So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
