end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
