My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
