You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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