Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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