Porn is love you can see.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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