we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize