ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
