Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
