I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
