we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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