Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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