it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
