Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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