there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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