You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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