is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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