Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
