She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
