The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
