Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I need a beard to bite.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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