I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
