I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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