:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
