sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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