I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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