This is not my ceiling
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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