As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
