so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
