I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
