just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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