I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
