Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
