the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
