Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
