you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
