Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
