He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
