And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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