he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
