a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
