That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
