Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
