my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
