The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
