It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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