I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
