I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
