I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
