sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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