be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize