So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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