I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
