its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
