the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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