I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
