I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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