and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
