Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
