i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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