What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
